Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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