Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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