Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
