Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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