Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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