He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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