Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
