they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
