just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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