Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
no, he came in my armpit
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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