we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
