I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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