Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
