He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
