The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
