Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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