ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
