This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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