I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
