hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
