I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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