My friends, they love my intelligence
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
