I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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