Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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