so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Mom said you looked used
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This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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