worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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