Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
this just has baby written all over it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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