Can i not drive my cunt home
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I AM VODKA MAN
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
