I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
