I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
