no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
