It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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