I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
