I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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