What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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