yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
do nipples grow back?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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