we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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