When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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