lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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