he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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