Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When are your genitals available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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