I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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