Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
