Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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