Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
