yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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