I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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