you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
