I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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