Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize