Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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