**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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