you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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