Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
