Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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