He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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