Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
