i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
