At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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