We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
