saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
