come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
