The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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